House Party

There’s always a drunk girl
In the kitchen at parties:
She’ll always be weeping alone.
There’s always a drunk girl
In the kitchen at parties:
Usually clutching her phone.

She’ll be knee-deep in trouble,
To an epic degree –
It’s all become serious now.
She’ll be snotty and wailing,
And dialling her friend –
Who hasn’t got time for the cow.

There’s always a drunk girl
In the kitchen at parties:
She’ll have rowed with her boyfriend already.
They’ll have argued ‘bout flirting,
And meanings of looks,
A betrayal when they’re going steady.

Her make-up is smeared
All over her face,
And her hair will be hanging in clumps.
She’ll be pretty by daylight,
But tear-stained and damp,
She’s more of a grim-looking lump.

She’ll be clutching her vodka,
All mixed up with lime,
And be hogging a basket of bread.
She’ll be eating and crying,
And grabbing at crisps,
And declaring she wished herself dead.

Yes, there is always a drunk girl
In the kitchen at parties:
It’s key to the evening’s whole thrill.
Her role is defined,
And she does it with style;
To be “wild, drunken mess” is a skill!

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