Mondays will never be a day of the week that I love. Even when I’m retired, I’ll still wake up on a Monday, and go, “Urrrrgh. Monday AGAIN.”

There’s something about the start of the week that takes the wind right out of your sails. It just straight up knocks you on your ass, like, “Oh, sorry, were you finally relaxing? Were you finally beginning to forget your previous awful week? Were you floating along on a cloud of Sunday roast and good white wine? Well, STOP IT. BACK to reality!”

Even now, having settled into a new, less stressful job, I still hate Mondays. They’re just such a ballache. Mondays are terrible, and miserable, and should be shot, like the rabid dog biting your arse that they are.

Luckily, today in the office, I amused myself with the following activities:

  1. pretending to be a T-Rex when walking between my desk and the printer
  2. pretending to be the trolley lady on a train service when offering to make a round of hot drinks (this mostly involves walking through the office, swinging a mug around, and intoning “Tea Coffee Other Snacks, Tea Coffee Other Snacks…” until someone hands me their mug and places an order, and then calling them all “Harry, dear” when I agree to do so. Oh, the train is the Hogwarts Express. HEY. It’s *my* cheer-up fantasy, it can be as crazy as I like.)
  3. discussing the royal family of various non-European countries, including the country where it is illegal to be gay, but the prince of said country got caught in bed with a man and the story was put about that the ceiling collapsed and dropped him into bed with the man below. We had fun imagining that conversation. “Oh, dear sir, you appear to have fallen onto another naked man. What a shame your aim is so good…?”
  4. discussing whether or not New Boy would have managed to get any alcohol on his business-class flight to Kuwait (I theorised yes, because of international aviation rules).
  5. pretending my wheelie-chair was a scull and pretending to row across the office to ask my boss a question (you’d think he’d find this obnoxiously annoying, but he seems to genuinely find it hilarious and keeps promising to buy me some oars. DON’T ENCOURAGE ME, BOSS-MAN!)

In between these fun activities, I did do some actual work. But it was far more fun to pretend to be a T-Rex than figure out what the hell was going on with the money. And at least it meant Monday was over quickly. Phew.

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