Disney are ruining my favourite childhood memory…and I’m going to pay them for it.

Often within our family, Loops and I are credited with being “the funny ones”. However on reflection, the most quoted jokes are things that our brother has said, which have now entered into familial lore.

If anything needs fixing we quote “Sort him legs out,” a reference to my brother’s plea to Mum regarding his teddy bear’s misshapen legs. ‘Because’ is often said as ‘titause’ due to my brother’s difficulty with B’s when learning to talk. If ever we see a large bird in the air, we will all point skywards and cry in a high pitched voice “Eagle” echoing my brother’s call when he saw such a bird during the early stages of puberty and his voice cracked.

My brother has many quirks which I find funny and which are always quoted by the family. But the favourite of mine is my brother’s obsession with Robin Hood as a child. Now of course Bro is older than me so I only have VHS evidence and the stories that Mum and Dad recount, but nevertheless it is one of my favourite ‘memories’.

He loved Robin Hood. It was more of an obsession. He even had his own special Robin Hood hat that Mum and Dad had to stop him wearing as it was causing a bald patch on top of his head. His love of Robin Hood Included the fantastic Errol Flynn led movie The Adventures of Robin Hood and the less well received but equally iconic Prince of Thieves. But his love of the heroic outlaw was typified by Disney’s animal fronted version, released in 1973.

During one of the climactic scenes, Robin Hood bravely jumps from the tower of a castle into the moat below. This scene enthralled him to the point where whenever he saw it, he would give his running commentary “Robin Hood goes splash”. Whenever he would see a large tower of a castle-like structure it was accompanied by “Robin Hood goes splash” as he would trace the trajectory Robin Hood would take using his finger.

It is my favourite all time story of our childhood.

So it may dismay you and it does me, that Walt’s Wonderful and Wacky Theme Park has taken it upon themselves to make a “live action’ remake of this excellent film.

The charm of the film is in the hand drawn animation. With Alan-a-dale being a banjo playing rooster, Toby the turtle and of course Robin and Marion as foxes, it was a fantastical take on an already heroic story.

What we do not need in the world is a CGI fox, (who doesn’t have thumbs by the way, so how is he supposed to shoot a bow and arrow or doff his cap?) looking eerily real but not quite, re-enacting the film that means so much to me and the rest of my family.

The fact that Mickey and Minnie’s Movie Monstrosities have been pumping out weak live-action remakes for the past five years leaves me with dread. The original imagination that Disney had seems to have dissipated as they just slap the cash cow that is nostalgia and tell it to squeeze out more dead presidents from its pus infested teat.

Ok I think that got away from me there, apologies. It annoys me that a company company that knows how to make imaginative and beautiful films (see 2016’s Moana) and allows companies under its umbrella, such as Pixar or Marvel to be as creative as they want, seems to have hit a roadblock. Each year is now marked with a lackluster summer blockbuster set to make a few hundred million and leave absolutely no lasting impact on the world, unlike their animated predecessor. 

But here is the dirty little secret. Like the little hypocrite I am, I will go and see the Disney remake when it is released. I may well be watching behind my fingers or unable to take my eyes off the screen like watching a crash in Formula One, but Disney will get my money and I will sit patiently in the theatre to see if Robin Hood still goes splash.

This post was authored by Flicks.

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