Describing me as ‘in good health’ would be like describing our dear PM as ‘possessing a functional brain’, or the former PM as ‘a kind caring woman who has never eaten a child whole in her life’.
To be clear: it would be a lie.*
I’m mostly OK with being a walking cliché of health issues and carefully balanced routine and medication – it was hard to adjust to in the first instances when each of my myriad health conditions got diagnosed, but eventually, I just got used to it, and I worked out how to manage, despite pain and depression and a dysfunctional endocrine system.
These days I juggle the various symptoms and challenges and I mostly manage it pretty well. (Except for this morning, when I slept through my alarm by two hours and missed my first meeting.) I’ve even found adjusting to lockdown life quite helpful for managing most of my health conditions.
One of the ways I manage my health is with a LOT of medication. And I kept forgetting to take it. If I forget to take my medication, my brain fog gets a lot worse as I go through withdrawal, and then I forget more things, like how to drive, or how to put trousers on before I leave the house, and THEN, I no longer function as a human in society.
Or at least, at an acceptably human level in society. I’m sure there are people out there who behave worse than me, and have no excuse, but I have standards, damnit, and I will hold myself to them.
So anyway. To help me remember my tablets, my dad bought me this nifty little tablet holder, which has a compartment for each day of the week, and it was so great for my morning tablets, I bought a second one for my evening tablets.
Sunday is Double Dispensing** Day. I carefully count out all my medication from their original packets and pop them into the labelled sections for each day of the week. It takes a little while, and I have to be sure to pay attention to the order in which I place my tablets into the pot (do not start on a Tuesday section, for example, it will fuck up your counting), but it does mean that once I’m done, I’m done for the week.
Each one of those little chalky pieces of magic will get taken now, and I will adhere to my regime perfectly.
Or at least as perfectly as a clinically depressed, hypothyroid fibromyalgia sufferer with a really bad case of Vitamin D deficiency can manage. #sohealthy
*I have no evidence the former PM ate a child whole, but look at her teeth. If you’re telling me she hasn’t picked bits of child bone out of those gnashers, like a particularly gnarled, dried-up and toothy crocodile, then I’m telling you, you’re wrong.
**Double dispensing, also known as secondary dispensing, means taking medication out of the main container it came in (with a pharmacy label on the outside), and putting it into another container (possibly not labelled at all). Double dispensing was something we used to do a long time ago when I grew up in the care home, although it is now considered a safety hazard and is definitely in contravention of the Medicines Act (although it isn’t illegal per se). It is not approved for any kind of health and social care regime, because removing medication from its original packaging can make it harder to identify the medication, and if there is an error in administration of the medication, you can’t be sure what you’ve given. Not applicable in my case, because a) I’m dispensing meds to myself, and b) no fucker tells me what to do with my drugs.